Meant To Be

“Jesse, I’m going to count back from ten. When I reach one, you’ll be fully awake, feel rested and will remember everything. Ten, your body starts to tingle. Nine, Eight, Seven, you’re feeling more aware. Six, Five, you’re starting to wake up. Four, Three your eyes are starting to open. Two, you are awake. One, your eyes open, you feel rested and fully awake.” Dr. Robins said.

I came slowly to the surface. Utterly relaxed. With the knowledge of what had just happened, my eyes popped open and I sat straight up. “Oh my God. That was real, wasn’t it?” I asked, fearing the worst.

“Yes or rather some of it was.” Dr. Robins replied.

“What do you mean some of it? Was I dreaming or did this stuff really happen to me? I’m so confused.” I ran my hands over my face trying to understand. Many of my memories are foggy, not my own. I remembered doing things that I didn’t remember. Does that make sense? No, of course not. But it was the way I remembered them or rather didn’t but did.

“I know you’re confused Jesse. I need to go over our session. You remember the tape recorder I showed you before we started?” When I nodded he continued, “I need to listen to it, listen to what you said. I need to try and figure out these experiences you’ve had, before I can make my diagnosis. In the meanwhile I want you to relax. Don’t go to work, don’t do anything, just relax. Take some time for yourself. Try to stay home as well. If you start to have any more of these experiences, contact me, day or night and we’ll talk them through ok?” he said, I nodded.

“Good, I’ll call you within a week and we can discuss my findings. Remember to relax Jesse. We’ll figure this out together ok?”

“I hope so. I’m just so confused.” I said.

“I know. Don’t worry, we’ll get it.” Dr. Robins showed me out and had me make an appointment for the next week, “just to make sure” he’d said. Whatever, I just wanted to get home, curl up in bed with a cup of coffee and a good book. I wanted to forget these memories. I just wanted to be normal.

That night as I lay in bed, I dreamed of a woman I’d never met, wolves and a vampire.
The dreams had been coming more often as of late. In the dreams I was in another woman’s body. The only reason I knew it wasn’t me? I was blonde with blue eyes, glasses and reasonably tall. The other woman? She was short, brown eyes and brown hair. No glasses. The glasses were the first thing I noticed. In the dream I didn’t need them. I remember not having to push them back up into place, a common habit of mine whether I’m wearing them or not. It wasn’t like I was sharing her body, it was like I was her body. I was her. I was living her life.

In other dreams I was a man. My looks didn’t change much. Though again, no glasses. The first time I’d dreamt myself as a man was frightening. I mean when you’ve grown up a girl your entire life and discover suddenly you have a penis... it’s a little freaky, right? Strangely enough, during the dream I wasn’t concerned with it. It was only after I’d already woken up that I started to flip. The weird thing was, I was oddly fascinated with hot it felt to have a penis. Don’t ask.

I got out of bed, got dressed and went into the kitchen for my morning ritual of coffee and toast. I was half way through my cup of coffee when the phone rang.


“Asher?” said the voice on the line.

“Oui?” I replied without thinking.

“I thought so. Where did you learn to speak French Jesse?” Dr. Robins asked.

“I didn’t..... I don’t.... I never did.” I stammered.

“That’s what I figured. Can you meet me here around 6 pm? I might be able to explain a few things.” He asked.

“Sure, but why so late?” I asked, suspicious and worried.

“I’d like you to meet someone. I told him your story and he was greatly interested.”

“You broke my confidence? To a stranger? What is he? A doctor, a lawyer?” I demanded, really getting angry.

“Not exactly. Just come meet him and listen to what I have to say. You’ll find that everything will be explained.” He said.

So here it was five o’clock at night and I was getting ready to leave. Part of me wanted to stay home because my shrink had betrayed me and the other half wanted to go out of sheer curiosity and the need to understand what was going on in my life.

I pulled into the parking lot at a quarter till six. I was early but that’s how I always was. Dr. Robins, knowing this, was already waiting by the front entrance to let me in. It was after hours and he’d have to lock the door behind us.

He escorted me into the building and up to his office. “Jesse, I know you’ve been so confused lately.” He said as we stopped in front of his office door. “I hope that after tonight you begin to understand things. There is a chance that tonight could make things worse, make you more confused but I’m willing to take that chance, if you are, to help you understand.”

I looked at him closely. I wasn’t about to trust him, not after he’d taken something so completely personal of mine and shown it to a stranger. He looked so sincere though. I decided to just go with it for now. I nodded.

He opened the door and the first thing I saw was a man sitting on the edge of Dr. Robin’s desk. Lounging more like. My eyes swept up his body. Noticing the clothing. Black suede boots, knee high. Black skin tight pants began where the boots stopped. Dark blue long sleeved button up shirt. And then I got to his face. A single tear slid down his pale cheek from midnight blue eyes, surrounded by the blackest wavy hair I’d ever seen. My vision blurred and everything went dark. 


“Ma petite chardonneret? Are you well?” the stranger asked.

“Jean Claude?” I looked from his face to Dr. Robins. “How can this be? It’s not possible. I’m dreaming. I have to be.” Panic began to set in. I tried to pinch myself but Dr. Robins stopped me.

“You didn’t dream him up Jesse. He’s real. Touch him, see for yourself.” Dr. Robins told me.

I reached out and touched Jean Claude’s arm, feeling solid warmth I pulled back immediately like I’d been burned. I looked into his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. A tear slid down my cheek, matching the tears already flowing freely down his.

It truly was him. My dream guy. My vampire lover. I went into his arms and it felt right. It felt as it always had, safe. I cried great racking sobs while he held me. It was as though a dam had broken inside me, letting out all this emotion I didn’t know I had. If he was still crying I didn’t know, I couldn’t tell. He was quiet.

After a while the tears quieted and we simply held each other.

“Jesse?” I peeked out at Dr. Robins. “We think we know what’s going on with you and how Jean Claude is involved. Would you like to hear it?”

I nodded slowly, still unable to speak. Dr. Robins looked at Jean Claude for approval. Jean Claude nodded his head once.

“Have you ever heard of Paganism, Jesse?” Dr. Robins asked me.

“I think so. Mostly from church, why?” I asked.

“Most Pagan people believe in reincarnation. The belief that when you die you will be reincarnated, reborn, into another being.... past lives and such...”

“I know what reincarnation is but what does it have to do with me?” I interrupted.

Dr. Robins continued, “We, that is myself and Jean Claude believe that you’ve been reincarnated.”

“Are you serious?” I asked, shocked.

“Yes, it’s the only way to explain it.” He sighed, “But there’s more.”


“We believe that you are the reincarnation of not one person but two people. Two souls.” He said.

“What?! Two?! I didn’t think it worked that way. How can you be a reincarnation of two beings? Wouldn’t they need two bodies?” I asked, more confused than I’d ever been. This was turning out to be the weirdest day of my life and it just kept going.

“That’s a little hard to explain. Jean Claude? Would you like to take it from here?” Dr. Robins asked the vampire.

“I think that would be best, mon ami.” He turned me in his arms so that we could look at each other but still stay in contact. I had to keep touching him, had to convince myself that he was real. “Jessica, you are the reincarnation of my Human Servant and my Second.”

“You’re human servant and second? I don’t understand.” I said, frowning.

Dr. Robins answered, “He is a Master Vampire, Jesse. A Human Servant is someone a Master chooses to be life mates with. It’s a little like getting married, except it makes the human much harder to kill and very long-lived. His Second is like a Vice President to the President. His Second in Command.” I said a silent “Oh.” Then looked back at Jean Claude, he continued.

“Their souls were bound. When they died, they did so together. They were murdered, ma chardonneret. Dr. Robin and I believe that to die as a soul-bound, their souls became one soul, reincarnated in you.” I started to protest, “Do you not wonder where your dreams come from? Can you tell yourself that you have experienced these things? I think not, Jessica. Do not fool yourself.” He sighed,”You are Asher and you are Anita. And now you are my little Jesse. Ma petite chardonneret.”

“What does this mean exactly?” I asked both of them.

“It means, ma petite, that you are my Human Servant and my Second.” Jean Claude said.

I thought about what he said. Let it sink in. What did this mean for me? The dreams I’ve been having for years aren’t dreams but the past lives of two separate people?

“Wait a minute. You mean that I’m now your Human Servant? What does that mean? Do I have a choice in this matter? Or do I just have to do what you say?” I asked my dream vampire.

“You will always have the choice. I will not mark you, you will be free to go down your own path. Indeed you can meet my eyes without issue. I did not anticipate that. It seems whatever immunities Anita died with were passed to you. If you choose to be my Human Servant or my Second or both, it will be voluntary. I shall not pressure you, mon amour.” Jean Claude said, his voice going soft and silky at the last. “You look alike.”

“Like who?” I asked him, almost a whisper.

“Both of them.” He replied, the tears were back, flowing softly, quietly.


What did you wish to talk with us about ma cherie?” Asher asked softly.

“I wanted to talk about what happened to us. The closest thing I’ve experienced to that was with Micah and Richard. We shared beasts but with you I can’t share beasts. You don’t have one.”

“No, ma petite what you shared was a partage d'âme.” He looked serious for a minute.

“What’s a partage d'âme?” I asked, Asher answered.

“It means to share one’s soul with another. Though you needn’t worry, your soul is not in jeopardy. Our energies, came together, that is all. It is much like what you, JeanClaude, and Monsieur Zeeman have done but on a lesser scale.”

“What does this mean for us?” Asher looked to JeanClaude. JeanClaude’s face was a blank mask.

“JeanClaude?” He looked at me.

“I am not sure. I have never heard of this happening with another’s human servant.”

I woke from the dream. The dreams seemed to be more clear, more detailed. I was remembering more now. I remembered how things had changed after that for Anita and Asher.

I turned and looked at the clock. It was only a little after 11 in the morning. JeanClaude wouldn’t be up for hours. I needed to talk to him. To ask him what happened. I needed to know for myself and maybe for Anita and Asher why they died. How they died. And just possibly who had done it.

I dragged myself out of bed. No use spending the rest of the day in bed when I had things to do. My apartment needed cleaning, I had laundry to do.

After eating my toast and finishing my coffee, I dug in. I started with the bedroom, gathering all my dirty clothes. I got them in the community washer and realized I had no quarters in which to start it. I had to run all the way down the hall back to my apartment at the front of the building. At least I was on the first floor, same as the washing machine.

I’d left my door open so I pushed it and ran into the kitchen where I kept a roll of quarters in a drawer. On the counter was a gun and a note. I didn’t own any guns. I hated guns. I looked around, eyes shifting from side to side. This wasn’t good. Someone had been in my apartment. What if they were still there. Oh God.

I grabbed the closest thing I had to a weapon within reach. An eggbeater. I know it wasn’t much but I could scramble a mean egg. Just imagine what it would do to someone’s face. I searched through each room, coming up with squat. Empty. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, my whole body shook. My heart was about ready to burst through my chest at the slightest sound.

Back in the kitchen I picked up the note with trembling hands. It read:

Dear Jessica,

I know of your problem. I know you need protection. Consider this a gift. Learn to use it and use it well. Don’t think, pull the trigger and question later. It will keep you alive better than anyone you know.


After reading it a second time, I looked at the gun. I didn’t know any Edwards. Who was this guy? Some psycho probably, but how did he know my name? And what problem was he talking about?

At the knock on my front door, I nearly jumped out of my skin. A yelp escaped my mouth. I needed to calm down and call the police. What would they say? They’d take the gun and fingerprint the apartment and I’d never get anything done.

The knock sounded again. I sighed. I wasn’t in the mood for company. I was still shaken up but obviously they weren’t leaving. I answered the door to a smiling face I didn’t know. He looked to be in his mid thirties but I could be wrong. He was slim, a bit muscular without looking beefy. He had blue eyes and blonde hair. He was handsome. Very handsome.

“Can I help you?” I asked the polite looking man.

“Jessica?” he asked.

“Yes? Do I know you?”

“Nope, I’m Jason. JeanClaude sent me to talk with you. Said you might need some answers.” He said.

“Oh. Uh..... come in then.” I waved for him to pass. He entered my apartment and I peeked into the hall. No one there. Nobody hiding in the corner. I couldn’t be sure about under the stairs though. Someone could hide there and not be seen from my apartment. Oh but I would’ve seen them when I went to do laundry. I smacked my forehead. Duh! My laundry. I dashed into the kitchen and grabbed the roll of quarters from the drawer. Jason followed me.

“That your gun?” he asked.

“No, it’s not. I went to do laundry and found it there when I came back for quarters. There’s a note. Feel free to read it, I’ll be right back.” I said then ran out into the hallway. When I came back he was looking at the gun closely and checking the clip and chamber.

“It’s not loaded.” He said.

“Good because I don’t intend to use it.”

“Can I call you Jesse?” when I nodded he said, “Jesse, with all due respect, you might have to. Edward knew that so he left you a gift.”

“You know this creep?” I asked, shocked.

“Yes, he used to be good friends with Anita.” He looked down, eyes not meeting my face.

“Good friends with Anita.” I repeated to myself. “Well what gives him the right to come into my apartment? I don’t want a gun! I don’t need it!”

“Jesse, if anyone else finds out what’s happened to you, they may come after you. Anita wasn’t loved by everyone. She had tons of enemies.” He explained.

“Well until I need it, if I ever do. It’s going to stay right here in my cookie jar.” He looked incredulous and started laughing.

“Your cookie jar?” he asked as I put it in my large Penguin cookie jar. When you opened it, it made a penguin sound. It was so cute I couldn’t resist. I’d bought it a few years back.

He sobered instantly. He was looking at my cookie jar like he wanted to break it. He turned and stalked into the living room. What now?

“Jason? What? Did I say something?” I asked him softly, following him.

“Jesse,” he said, sternly, turning to look me in the eye. “you don’t understand. When Anita died, she left so many people behind that loved her. I was one of them. But she also left behind people that wanted to kill her. Some of them were so obsessed with it that they tried killing the people that were close to her.” He lifted his shirt. Starting on his lower abdomen was a scar, an old one, white and fading. It reached clear up to his ribs. “Someone tried to gut me. With silver.” I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. Silver, silver, silver.... shit. He was... what was he? I asked him.

“I’m a werewolf.” He said simply. I started backing away and he caught my arms. “Don’t. I won’t hurt you. Not all of us are bad.” His eyes took on a hurt look. Great, I’d offended a werewolf. This was not a good day.


"How did they die?" I asked him. He looked at me, surprised, then away, silent. There was a tenseness to his body, like a tightly wound string, vibrating at the slightest touch.
"They were together." He sighed. "Since the first time Asher and Anita had sex, they were close. Closer than usual."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Well, after having sex the last time, before they died, they could talk to each other without speaking."

"You mean like looks? I know with my last ex it got that way. We seemed to know what each other was thinking." I said.

"No, I mean without anything. It was like they were speaking in each others minds. Anita wasn’t upset or anything. Not like she was whenever Jean Claude did it." He said.

"Wait a minute. She could do this with Jean Claude?" I asked, confused. Seemed to be a pastern with me lately.

"At one point they could. It’s a long story. The short of it, at one time they could talk in each others minds and Anita freaked over it. She hated having Jean Claude in her head. She told me once it was like not knowing where she ended and he began. But with Asher, she seemed happy about it. Jean Claude wasn’t though. He seemed depressed, if vampires can be depressed."

"Jason, how did they die?" I asked again. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Kind of like you do before you have to do something painful. I guess that’s what this was for him. I could understand that. He loved these people and he’d lost them both. It’s hard enough to lose one person, even two, but to lose them at the same time.

"Like I said, they were together. Jean Claude was with them. He could tell you better than anyone how it went down, if he could remember. That how he knew Dr. Robbins. He’s been seeing him for some time." Jason said just above a whisper.

"A vampire that needs a psychiatrist?" I asked to myself.

Jason answered, "Yeah, Nathaniel recommended his doctor but she was busy so she recommended Dr. Robbins. He’s good."

"Who’s Nathaniel?" As soon as the question left my lips a memory came back. A young man with long auburn hair and violet eyes laughing. He was with me, the Anita me, and another man with wavy black hair and green eyes. Green eyes, well that didn’t quite describe them. "Oh."

"You remember?" He asked, hopeful.

"I think so." I said hesitantly and described the picture from my mind. Jason nodded. "That’s him and Micah." He said.

"When will I be meeting them? Sooner or later I’d like to talk to everyone that had anything to do with Asher and Anita’s life." I told him.

"Jean Claude knew that you’d want to meet people. He asked me to invite you to his place for a ‘meet and greet’ sort of thing. It will be hard for you to talk to everyone that ever had anything to do with Asher’s life though." Jason looked at me with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Asher was well over 400 years old and the people that knew him weren’t exactly nice."

"Not nice? I get the feeling that you aren’t just talking about being rude."

"No, unless you think being tortured, almost being killed rude." He said.

"No I wouldn’t know what to call that but rude isn’t it. There have to be people still alive, nice ones, that knew him." I said, more of a statement than a question.

"Well, there’s me, Jean Claude, Richard, Nathaniel, Micah. There’s a bunch of us actually. The get together is tonight. Do you think that’s too soon for you?" He asked gently.

"No, at least not as long as you’re my escort." I smiled shyly at him. I wanted at least one friendly face with me. I knew Jean Claude but Jason was the only person I’d really talked to.

His face lit up in a huge suggestive grin. "You just made my night, you have no idea." Then he laughed.


Jason and I had fought over what I should wear for what seemed like hours. Probably was. It passed a good amount of time. We decided that I should wear something sexy but not slutty. Something that would say, I’m fashionable but not overly so. We settled on a short black skirt that came to mid thigh, a deep blue low cut tank top, no hose, and shiny black spike- heeled boots that came up to just under my knees. I had a nice black jacket to go over the whole ensemble. Jason wore black slacks, shiny black shoes, and a light blue button up shirt. He looked nice, really nice.
I let Jason drive since he knew where we were going. When he pulled up in front of this huge warehouse that had a billboard with dancing clowns I was surprised. I said as much.

"Look closely at the clowns." I did and gasped. The clowns had fangs! How disturbing!

"Why do the clowns have fangs?" I asked.

"Because this is the Circus of the Damned. It’s Jean Claude’s home. You get the idea." I began to look at the other pictures. If Jean Claude lived here what did that make him, the Ring Leader?? Was he really someone I could trust?

"Don’t worry Jesse. Jean Claude didn’t start this business, he took it over from the old Master." Jason said as if he could sense my hesitation.

He pulled the jeep into a parking spot and we got out. He started walking towards the immense building. I couldn’t see a door anywhere. How were we supposed to get in? Just as I thought this question, we reached the wall and a door swung open from the inside. A huge man was blocking the doorway. He must’ve stood at least 7 feet high. His shoulders, hell his whole body was wide. I couldn’t really see his face with the light behind him. All I could think was, "God this guys an ogre."

"Jesse, meet Ares. He’s from the local werehyena pack." Werehyenas? Do they come in every flavor?

"Uh, nice to meet you Ares. Hey, isn’t that a Greek god or something?" I swear he smiled, I couldn’t really tell, it was so dark but I just got the feeling that something I said was funny. At least to Ares.

"Yes, Ares is the Greek God of War." His voice was a deep rumbling bass and sent goosebumps down my arms. The voice definitely matched the body. He stepped back to let us through and the soft light of the one light bulb hanging from the ceiling lit his face. He had long dark flowing hair, with dark eyes set in an angular face. He wasn’t pretty, or even handsome but something about his face made you think of the dark side of lust. His face would chase you through your nightmares and make you like it. I shuddered.

We left the smiling Ares behind as Jason led me down a wide staircase. It was wide enough for a VW Bug to drive down, maybe something wider. At the bottom was a huge door that looked a hell of a lot older than I was. Jason opened it without a squeak, must be well oiled.

The next room was large enough to eat my whole house. There were two couches and a few chairs, the walls were draped in light blue silk. There was a fireplace in the room with a fire going. Above the fireplace was a painting. Three people were in the painting. Jean Claude, a man with Gold hair, blue eyes and scars across half his face, and then there was a woman with black curly hair, brown eyes, pale skin. She was shorter than the two men. The painting looked like it could’ve been done yesterday. I knew who I was looking at. Jean Claude, Anita and Asher.

When I looked around the room I found another painting. Much older. Though Jean Claude and Asher were in this one, the woman was definitely not Anita. I walked closer hoping to get a good look. I was cut off by someone. She was tall, black, and the look on her face would’ve killed a man.

"Elizabeth." Jason said in warning.

"What? I’m not allowed to greet my new Nimir-Ra?" She asked him with scorn dripping from her words.

"You don’t know that she will be. No one does." Jason told her.

"Hello? I’m standing right here. What’s a Nimir-thingy?"

"I’ll explain it later. Everyone’s waiting for us in the great room." He said and pulled me through a long hallway.

He led me through more doors until I was sure I was lost. I would need him to make my way out. There was no way I could do it on my own.

We walked into a gigantic room with high ceilings. In the center was a long table, dressed for dinner. Candles and place settings, plates of food. There had to be at least 30 people in the room. All of them dressed beautifully. Some were wearing formal wear and some were more casual but all looked good.

All of these people knew Anita and Asher? This was going to be a long night.

Jean Claude walked to us. "May I?" He asked holding out his arm. I took it and smiled at him a little nervously. Together, we walked to the table and the center of everyone there.

"May I have everyone’s attention?" Jean Claude asked, his voice carrying through the room. When the dregs of the conversation finally stopped he said, "May I have the pleasure to introduce, Jessica Davidson. As many of you know we believe her to be the reincarnation of our beloved Asher and Anita. I hope you will all welcome her graciously." He said, then bowed gracefully.

Everyone looked at me. I was in the spotlight and I think it was my turn to speak. What do you say to someone, a lot of someones, after a statement like that?


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